HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY CONVINCE PEOPLE YOU’RE NOT HUNGOVER

By Anna Davies

The Get it girls are known to enjoy a wine or ten but nothing is worse than work the next day. So we employed the help of our resident intern to give us some tips on feeling fresh the day after.

Step 1: Open your eyes

For the average person this seems like a simple task, but remember you’re not the average person, you’re hungover. The light is bright, like a spotlight it reminds you that you can’t hide from the embarrassing things you did last night – but you have keep your eyes open because that’s what normal people do. For the slackers, there are a couple of ways to avoid this arduous task; outdoors you can seek refuge behind a pair of sunglasses, indoors you can draw eyes on your eyelids and hope for the best.

Step 2: Eat food

I don’t mean Macca’s or KFC. Junk food may make you feel better, but who cares how you feel? This is all about keeping up appearances. To throw the normal people off your boozy scent, go out of your way to eat the most intense and obscure flavour combinations. Good ideas include, raw salmon, anchovies or soy sauce straight from the bottle (let’s face it you were drinking worse from the bottle last night).

Step 3: Disinfect your entire body

Smells like someone spilt a bottle of vodka in your bed last night. No wait, that bottle of vodka is you. You disgusting human. Get yourself to a shower and stay in there for an eternity. Then get out of the shower and scrub your skin until the sticky film that covers your body is shed. Then get into a bath and baptise yourself for your sins. You are reborn, still hungover, but reborn.

Step 4: Dress to impress

Once again, the slouchy shirt and tracksuit pants may feel delightful on your slightly sticky skin but it’s not going to convince your boss or your mum that you didn’t have five Jägerbombs last night. Pull yourself together and dress like a star. Take your hungover style inspo from the Queen. Seriously, when have you ever seen that lady look hungover? Never, that’s when.

Step 5: Don’t fall asleep

Just don’t. Sweet sleep feels like it will solve all of your problems, and it probably will. Let’s face it though, you’re reading this post because you don’t have time to actually solve your problems, you just want to pretend they don’t exist. Which is probably why you’re so hungover in the first place. However, if I give one piece of actual advice in this post let it be this: get yourself an espresso martini. Not only does this have the coffee you need to stay conscious but it also has that sweet elixir of life called vodka in it. Before you vomit at the sound of the word vodka, remember that the hair of the dog is your only friend.

Now you know how to make people think you are a functioning adult, go forth and have what is bound to be a below average day. You deserve it.

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