Are you guilty of overthinking your relationship? Get it’s Love Expert Linda from Ideal Introductions shows us how to get into some healthy relationship habits
Being in a relationship that you hope will lead to something long-term can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. When you think you’ve found ‘The One,’ you’re going to do all you can to make sure they’re really it. Sometimes, that can lead to over-analysing and overthinking. When you’re overthinking in a relationship, nothing good ever really comes out of it.
There are two types of people who overthink a relationship, one is the controller personality that pretty much overthinks everything.
Are you spending too much time deciding what to text?
If you ever spend a long time going back and forth with yourself over what you’re going to text them or decoding messages, you might be overthinking things.
So, take your time getting to know them by talking to them and don’t let texts control your day.
Are you always asking others for advice?
The tendency to overthink usually comes from a place of previous hurt. When you’ve been hurt in a previous relationship it makes it harder to trust what’s right in front of you. This behaviour harms relationships because “it creates a continual pull back into the past.” In short, it keeps you feeling stuck.
When you’re stuck, you might reach out to friends or family for advice. If you find yourself asking for advice constantly take time to pause and evaluate how you feel, maybe things aren’t as bad as you think.
Do you always have a ‘what if’ to worry about?
There are two types of people who overthink a relationship, one is the controller personality that pretty much overthinks everything. They want to prepare for the negative and tend to overthink. The other is the individual who leans towards insecurity. When you’re insecure, your mind will always take you to the negative side of a situation.
Regardless of which type you tend to be, overthinkers can instantly find alternative possibilities to reality. In other words, you’ve probably thought of all the different kind of ‘What If’ scenarios you can possibly think of.
If you want to break out of the cycle, slow down and become aware of how often you’re turning assumptions into facts about your relationship. It’s important to use that time to evaluate both what can go wrong and what can also go really right.
You don’t trust what’s happening in the present
Certain individuals who overthink don’t typically trust that what they see, and experience is the whole truth. There’s always this underlying anxiety and questioning about whether your partner really wants you like they say they do.
If you stay grounded in the present, you will reduce the anxiety and tendency to allow your thoughts to spiral. Stay present in the moment, rather than dwelling on the possibility of negative outcomes.
Are you constantly thinking of the future?
If you’re continually worrying about what your relationship will be like two months from now, you may be overthinking your relationship. Focus on the present instead of always thinking about what the future holds and the end goal of the relationship, take time to enjoy whatever phase you’re in.
Are you always wondering what your partner thinks of you?
Instead of worrying so much about what your partner is or isn’t thinking about you, fall back in love with yourself. Make peace with who you are and what you bring to the relationship. When you’re at peace with yourself, you’re more likely to realise which thoughts are just thoughts and which ones are fact.
Are you always questioning what your partner means?
Understand that overthinking your relationship just happens, especially when you really like someone, and you want it to work out.
If your partner speaks in generalities it can leave you wondering what they specifically meant. For instance, you might ask them how they feel about you and they respond with a, “You know how I feel.” To alleviate any concerns, ask your partner for clarification. You can go down a spiralling rabbit hole if you allow your mind to wander into unknown territory.
Being forthcoming with the truth is one of the best ways to avoid misunderstandings. If they say, “let’s keep things casual” and you don’t know what the definition of that is, ask for clarification. What casual means to them can be completely different with what casual means to you.
Understand that overthinking your relationship just happens, especially when you really like someone, and you want it to work
out. But if you take a step back and think about it, over-analysing everything is neither fun nor healthy. It may be hard to slow down and just let things happen as they come, but it may be worth it in the end.