Get it’s resident dating expert Linda Prescott, from Ideal Introductions, spills the tea and uncovers what’s the biggest turnoff on a date
It’s Thursday and you’re looking forward to something special on the weekend. Oh, yes, it’s that date you’ve pencilled in. So, you head down to the shops and get that new outfit you’ve been eyeing. Come date night, you throw on that stylish ensemble, spritz on that sexy scent and you’re off to impress your date. But what happens next? Your date doesn’t seem engaged and the mood fizzles out like old Kombucha. You feel completely let down. What went wrong?
Most of the time when people prepare themselves for a date, they tend to only focus on how they look. Yes, of course it’s important to look presentable and smell good. After all, you do want to make that good first impression. But what many forget is that being presentable is not just about the physical.
The biggest turnoff on a date
Confidence is sexy. After having spoken to more than 10,000 clients, I can say that the biggest turnoff on a date is not having confidence. You can be this well-dressed person with perfect hair and clean white teeth but if there’s an indication that you have low confidence, your date can sniff it out. By that time, the chances of getting a second date is almost zero to none.
This is also supported by research. According to Buunk, Dijkstra, Fetchenhauer, and Kenrick, 2002, men and women rate confidence as a very attractive trait in a potential partner.
Signs of a less confident date
Sometimes our nerves can get the better of us and it can show. These things can send a signal to your date that you are not feeling confident.
- You’re always checking your phone
Yes, it’s obvious. Checking your phone too often can make you seem like you are avoiding eye contact or even worse, you’re not interested. Keep your phone in your bag or pocket. You can always check your messages when you excuse yourself to go to the restroom at the end of dinner.
- Touching your hair too much
For ladies, twirling with your hair is fine as it does give off a playful vibe. But too much can look like you don’t know what to do with your hands. For men, constantly touching hair around the ear will show you are feeling the jitters. Instead, keep one hand on the stem of your glass and the other gently placed on the table or on your lap, if you’re not in the middle of food.
Things you can do to feel confident on a first date
Look, when it comes to dating, even the most confident people can find themselves feeling insecure and nervous. Feeling the jitters is perfectly fine. It just means that the date matters to you. But remember, if you aren’t going to have confidence in yourself, why would anyone else?
Don’t worry about whether they like you
Stop worrying about whether your date will like you and you will feel like all the weight has been taken off your shoulders. You need to have enough sense of your own value to realise that you are awesome. And your value is not something that others determine. You do.
Focus on the moment, not the outcome
Pay attention to your date and show that you care about what they are saying. That really helps to get you focused on the moment rather than worrying about how the night will end. Be attentive, ask some questions, add your own experience/memories and let your date learn more about you. Take it easy.
While picking out a great outfit is important to create that positive first impression, feeling comfortable is crucial. A stylish pair of shoes will not do you any favours if you end up walking uncomfortably throughout your date.
Celebrate what’s special about you
The truth is, no one is perfect. And no matter how you may struggle with certain things about yourself, remember that you have positive qualities you should acknowledge and celebrate. What makes you a great person? Things like having a kind heart, having a great sense of humour and being a great listener are wonderful qualities to have. These qualities are often more valuable than physical appearance in the long run.