How to be your own life coach

How to be your own life coach and grow confidence

Kylie Zeal explains how subtle shifts in the language we use when talking to ourselves, can make a huge impact on the direction our lives take


I still walk the same planet, but I now live in a completely different world.

In the previous world, I was a victim. Life happened to me. I didn’t speak up and I constantly worried about what other people thought. I was limited. I was needy because I lived in a world of lack, and many of my relationships were at best a source of confusion and at worst a source of pain.

The world I live in now, I’ve come to see, is my creation. My experiences and relationships are sources of joy or, at a minimum, opportunities for learning whatever it is I need to learn to create the ultimate vision for my life.

Stress, worry and guilt no longer dominate my thoughts; I prioritise reaching for confident and empowered thoughts instead.

How to be your own life coach - watch the words you use and see confidence grow

A new language

The gateway to my new world was through learning its language. Over time, as I became fluent, I developed a fresh mindset and belief system, but it began with adding just a few words and phrases to my vocabulary.

It’s not so different to going to another country with a different language. To be effective in a foreign country, you need to learn the most important words and phrases of its language.

If you’re committed to having the most authentic experience in that world and understanding its people and their point of view, you practice the language, and you get better and better at it each day.

My new world

The words and phrases that created a new world for me were from the language of coaching.

I was so amazed by the difference in my world by becoming fluent in this language, that I studied to be a coach, and now I teach others the language that inspired me. I want you to know that you can create your own world.

You don’t need to be fluent in the language of coaching to experience its benefits. Starting with an awareness of how to coach and ask yourself the right questions is all you need to get going on the path to changing your life for the better.

Instant shifts in self talk

You can be your own life coach today, starting with incorporating these new words and phrases into your life.

👉Instead of: I don’t know.

🙌Say: If I did know, what would it be?


👉Instead of: I don’t know how.

🙌Say: I don’t know how yet.


👉Instead of: That’s just not who I am.

🙌Say: Who do I know, or know of, that’s already doing what I want to do, and how did they do it?


👉Instead of: I can’t do that.

🙌Say: Where did I learn that ‘I can’t do that’; how true is it? What new belief would enable me to move forward and create the outcome I want?


👉Instead of: I’m a failure.

🙌Say: What’s the valuable lesson here for me?


👉Instead of: I don’t know what I want.

🙌Say: What small action can I take today that will move me closer to knowing what I want?


Give these adjustments a go and you’ll see that coaching is the language of curiosity, possibility, empowerment, creativity and problem solving.

With additional practice, you will find you can solve any problem and create the life you want. There’s nothing stopping you from starting right away.


Kylie Zeal is an author and certified coach who helps women reduce worry and stress to live confident, empowered, successful lives. Learn more at:


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