Why Choosing You Isn’t Selfish
By Justine Williams
Why does guilt creep in the moment you choose to care for yourself?
You pour a quiet cup of tea. You fantasize about a weekend retreat. You crave just one hour alone to walk, stretch, or simply sit in silence. But you don’t follow through, because guilt shows up, whispering: “What about the kids? The homework? The lunches?” And just like that, you’re back on the treadmill.
Not because you’ve done something wrong, but because you dared to do something just for you.
As mothers, we adore our children. With all our hearts. We work hard, we carry the mental load, we juggle school forms and sport, run households, careers, emotional check-ins, and everything in between. And when we hit empty, we still keep giving.
So why does pausing feel so hard?
Part of it is biological. Our nervous systems are wired to scan for our children’s safety and wellbeing. Part of it is societal, we’ve internalised the message that mothers put themselves last.
And that can take a toll. Research shows that mothers who consistently neglect their own needs are at increased risk of burnout, anxiety, depression and even resentment, making it harder to be present, patient, or joyful with the very people we love most. Studies by Mikolajczak (2018) found that maternal burnout specifically affects not only mothers’ wellbeing but also their children’s emotional security.
Here’s the truth: self-care doesn’t take you away from your family. It gives them the best of you, not what’s left of you.
To shift out of self-care guilt, start with a reframe:
“I feel guilty resting” → “I’m recharging to show up fully.” “I should be doing more” → “I’ve done enough today.” “Everyone needs me” → “I need myself, too.”
Small steps matter. Start with five quiet minutes. Schedule a monthly coffee date with yourself. Create a “self-care alarm” that’s non-negotiable. Ask for help. Say no without over- explaining.
Create your own permission slip: You are allowed to prioritise yourself. It’s a requirement.
Because when you choose health, energy, and mental wellbeing, you’re not just caring for yourself. You’re leading by example. You’re teaching your children what boundaries and self-compassion look like. And ultimately, you’re teaching them the most important lesson of all: they deserve self-care and so do you.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
