The hidden online world shaping our boys (and why parents need to pay attention)

Words by Andrew Harmer

The research has been building quietly for years. Now it is starting to reach mainstream conversations, and for many parents it comes as a shock. When I first began researching this story, I had the same reaction many readers might have right now. How did we not know about this? Raising two teenage boys, the “manosphere”, a network of online communities shaping how boys think about masculinity, relationships and themselves, had barely crossed my radar. For most parents, their awareness level on this issue might as well be not set at all—we’ve been operating without the crucial information needed to understand what’s happening in our sons’ digital lives.

It presents itself as a hidden issue. Academics, teachers and youth workers have been sounding the alarm for years, yet the conversation has only recently begun to reach everyday families.

This article is not meant to frighten you. It is designed to help you better understand what boys are seeing online and how to start meaningful conversations at home.

What is the manosphere?

The manosphere refers to an ecosystem of online communities promoting rigid ideas about masculinity. It includes men’s rights forums, “alpha male” influencers and self-styled dating or lifestyle coaches.

Importantly, boys rarely go looking for extreme content. Many begin by searching for advice on fitness, confidence or relationships. The videos often start with familiar self-improvement messages such as discipline and motivation before gradually introducing more harmful ideas about power, gender and entitlement.

Why it matters beyond the screen

While the content lives online, its effects do not. In Australia, one in four high school girls report feeling unsafe around male peers, with some behaviour linked to content boys consumed online. Surveys such as the HILDA study have also found a rise in restrictive gender beliefs among young men.

Health experts are raising concerns as well. A recent study by the University of Sydney and the University of Copenhagen found influencers linked to manosphere communities encouraging young men to pursue unnecessary testosterone testing and treatments. The accounts analysed had millions of followers and often framed normal experiences like tiredness or stress as signs of medical deficiency.

“The problem isn’t that men care about their health,” said senior author Dr Brooke Nickel. “It’s that social media is medicalising normal experiences and selling young men a dangerous, often false diagnosis.”

Why teenagers are particularly vulnerable

Adolescence is a time when identity and belonging feel urgent. The manosphere offers simple answers to complex emotions, encouraging boys to hide vulnerability, dominate socially and blame external forces for rejection or loneliness.

Research also suggests many boys sense something is missing. They are not always fully convinced by what they see online, which means trusted adults still play a powerful role.

What parents can actually do

Experts say curiosity is more effective than confrontation. Instead of criticising influencers outright, start by asking your child what they enjoy watching and why. Listening without judgement keeps conversations open.

Understanding the algorithms helps too. Try creating a TikTok or YouTube account and searching phrases like “how to be more confident” or “how to talk to girls”. Watching what appears next offers insight into what your child’s digital world might look like.

Teaching media literacy is another powerful step. Explaining how outrage drives engagement and profit can help young people recognise when content is designed to provoke rather than support them.

Most importantly, create space for real feelings. When boys are encouraged to name emotions like embarrassment, rejection or loneliness, they are less likely to convert those feelings into anger or blame.

You have more influence than you think

Dr Stephanie Wescott from Monash University emphasises that parental influence remains strong, even when teenagers appear distant.

“Parents might think their teens aren’t interested in what they have to say,” she explains. “But it is still important to model emotionally healthy behaviour, because they are absolutely taking it in.”

Male role models also play a crucial part. Fathers, uncles, coaches and teachers who demonstrate respect and emotional openness help counter harmful narratives far more effectively than lectures ever could.

Starting the conversation

If you have read this far, you are already ahead. The manosphere thrives in silence and confusion, but open, imperfect conversations make a difference. You do not need to understand every online trend or piece of slang. You simply need curiosity, presence and a willingness to listen.

Because the goal is not to compete with the internet. It is to make sure the voices shaping our boys’ lives include people who truly care about them.

For parents looking for additional support, professional resources and conversation guides can provide practical strategies for navigating these challenging discussions.